Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Japanese Beef Smiles


 Most people probably thought I was high as I strolled through the brisk neon-lit streets of Kobe with a goofish grin and too much pep-in-my-step. I was smiling more that usual, laughing out loud at inward thoughts, and recklessly making tip of the cap gestures at any passer by that mistakenly made eye contact. Mothers hurried their children along out of my way, old men leered from their stoops, and the pious were offended by my glee. They were right to be skeptical of my substance-induced joy, but those who knew the source of this ethereal bliss shot me a knowing smile and slow head nod.

Just off the main road, down a dimly lit alley stands a small man in a big coat. He occupies the space outside of a deep red dark door.  No words are needed. Everyone knows what you’re after and gestures suffice for this kind of joint. The door lurches open as I pull its oversized brass handles. It is darker inside and a heavy smoke lingers in the air. We speak in hushed voices for no apparent reason. It’s the type of place that feels empty but is brimming with people.  Up a steep set of old stairs, over the worn carpets hundreds of others have passed looking for the same fix. ‘Tea?” the short boxy man asks, I nod again. The menu is brought out, this place reminds me of restaurant. I guess because it is.

Now the people of Kobe are not known for illegal substances, and this is no tale of criminal escapades. They are however, a bunch of beef slingers. The worst kind.         
-Hold your horses and ease that grin Chancho. I know the innuendos are boundless-
For years in the dark alleys of Kobe, men and women alike have met in dim corners to get whiff of that sizzle. The finest cuts of meet man could beget from beef. The endless and meticulous Japanese obsession with achieved perfection in all acts comes through with every shoulder dropping, sigh inducing, subtle moan of joy whose source is top grade Kobe beef.

When in Kobe, you are a fool if you choose to settle for anything less than premium. Sure, you can get an amazing experience of top notch Kobe beef at a more reasonable price. Places like Steakland exist for such a reason. But really? You want to eat at a place called 'Steakland'? In Japan? You might as well have an outline of Texas with a 5 gallon hat on and chachkies everywhere.  Great things are to be done right, and this is one of those, ‘once in a longtime’ sort of meals.  I went big.

I don’t remember which cut I got, details become overshadowed by exquisite taste, but it was emphatically amazing. The chef brought out the slab of meat like fine wine to make sure I approved before we got started.  Naturally I gave the slab of raw meat a thorough look over checking it under the light like a person who has no idea what to look for.  Similar to the look I give when testing wine before it is poured. I nod to show I think I know what I’m doing. Next, my wine was delivered without being offered a sample taste as if it were some hunk of raw beef.  

Watching this perfectly marbled piece of meat get sliced up and cooked was a joy in itself. The taste? Another world. One piece of Kobe beef, a dash of salt, dab of wasabi, and a slice of freshly fried fresh garlic. A single bite had the ability to completely alter the chemical balances in my brain (See aforementioned descriptions). It left me questioning my entire existence and what ‘real life’ even is. I had no idea food could be so rich as to leave me with such stunning joy.

The meal continued sublimely. I chewed in uninterrupted happiness fully engaged with that which lay before me. The final bite was triumphant. Not leaving one ounce of longing or any bittersweet feelings found at the conclusion of great things. Just rotund satisfaction and full contentment. 

A bowl of mints was delivered to me and I was off. Past the boxy man, down the stairs, through the smoky room, out the archaic door, down the ally to the street bustling with life. The cold winter air was energizing, I had just had the best meal of my life. I was over the moon, the world sang with colours and sounds. Joy burst for from all directions, I pranced down the neon light streets, arms stretched heavenward. Oh how sweet it was, the hills were alive with the sound beef.


Friends, I ate well. 

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